Prison Journal: #2

"NOT ENOUGH TIME"

NAMASTE’

Well, as it comes to pass, the first 30 days here at “Club Fed” has blurred into a faded spectrum of overcooked carrots, into screaming seagulls, into mindless bantering of how good life “used” to be, etc…

The clock ticks just as silent as the staff’s willingness to express caring for the plight of the current situation we find ourselves in. Laughs come and go quickly. Inmates at times have a chance to say their goodbyes as their friends are released. Going away parties spark joy and sorrow, envy and jealousy, fear and guilt, both for the dude going home and those that still are facing the rest of the nine year bit.

For some this is a fear of returning home. It is a fear of blowing two year of paper “probation” when they get out. Others have been amazed at how fast the world has changed, even in six months. The world, to so many, is completely different after 10 or more years. A 10 year devastation hits hard to those with children and family attachments.

I have become a sort of icon here, a buzz word of sorts around the compound. This happened somewhat on purpose, but mostly by just being ozone. Most everyone gets to spend their first 90 days working in the food service. That means, no choice of work yet, sigh! But, I have settled well into a form of a tolerable routine. I got the afternoon shift, 8 am to 3 pm. I sleep thru breakfast and get up for the 7:30 am count. I’m not so compelled to stagger to the mess hall and then back by 7:30 am. Most days, one of my Cellies will bring back some cold cereal. The commissary fills in the gaps. I can get ready to go by 8 am to report for my work assignment.

My work assignment includes a whole five minutes to clean the exit door window, then I sit, read, or write or nap until 10:30 am rolls around. I then have a chance to meet and greet everyone as they leave. I say, “Thank you, come again”, “have a nice day”, or “enjoy your stay”.

It makes many laugh, overstating the obvious. I feel good and so do most. Then I’ll have until 11:15 to clean the outside windows, as a show pony, for the warden to deter others from feeding the seagulls.

I work with a few others that scrub up after the airborne offerings from our feathered friends. Well, after 30 days, we still feed them. Then lunch break from 11:15 am to 12:15 pm to be back in time for count. I get thru lunch quick enough to catch a 30 minute nap to work off so many calories… ughhh… After 12:15 pm, we might get hassled into doing some work but most of us just sit around and read, write, nap, play cards or such. You see, the deal is there is such overcrowding there are too many workers for the tasks at hand, so we just repeat the same tasks over and over and over.

From 3 pm to 4 pm I am inclined to nap while waiting for mail call. Until then, I have the opportunity to relate to may Cellies the messages of peace. I am in a four-person room after a few weeks of bouncing around six-person rooms. It is a nice change, but even so, it still isn’t big enough to hold some of the radical nature of nonviolence, non-being, love and equanimity, as to say. “I must be outta my damn mind!’ or “Am I just plain crazy.”

After open compound and all other inmates are released, my Cellies watch the others who are in a hurry perform the “penguin shuffle”. Everyone knows they cannot run to the mess hall for dinner, so they will run with their arms securely fastened to their sides.

It is rather funny in a way to watch grown men go to such extremes to hurry up to wait anyway. I might wait until the 10 minute warning to go, if I am even hungry at all. So, I’ll either nap again from eating too much or go play the flute they have available in the rec room. Some days, I’ll find someone to talk to and ask questions or they’ll sit and grill me about life, God, drugs, money and everything in between.

Some say it is “controversial” when I tell them I want to be here, “it really blows their minds.” It does require a bit of explaining but they respect me for it. Nonetheless, they tell me, “You’re crazy man! You don’t want to come back here!” I just smile as they shake their heads as we part for the day.

I try to get back by 9:45 for count after spending a few hours in the chapel attending some service, or in the back listening to some Buddhist tapes by Thich Nhat Hanh or awakening compassion by Depak Chopra. I truly enjoy wandering around the compound engaging in the practice of mindful walking meditation or just wandering, bouncing a racquetball as I walk contemplating the deeper meaning of dharma as I tick out the steps of my karma.

I feel that I spend my time as fruitful as I can, trying not so hard. It is easy really not to focus on the little things that I cannot control or change. Being mindful that it is a privilege to be here and many have died to pay for it.

I keep a smile on my face and display the joy that I carry as often as I can. My presence here is having a dramatic effect and influence on those that are not afraid to talk to me and get to know me. They have become lighter in being. IT is like a giant weight being lifted off of so many. All of this is done by simply showing that, “Hey! Look! It’s ok! You can have fun! It’s not hard!” And we do. And most are ready to express that yes, even we can have fun here in such a place as this.

But my time here is too short to complete the goals I wish to accomplish. Even the unit team agrees and said, “The biggest thing against you right now is that your time is too short to participate in any of the Pre-Release programs”.

Well, perhaps next year. On a different note, someone asked me if I was an angel. I replied, “If I told you I was would you believe me?” He just shook his and said, “You know, I probably would.” I just smiled as we parted to go our separate ways for the day.

“Thank you, come again” “Enjoy your stay”

NO MAS NO WAR!

Untill We Meet Again,
Breathe love,
Be well,
Do Frolic Much,
Where The Truth Is Free,
Your Humble Servant Of Global Peace.
ozone
FPC 92123-020